True Story Tuesday — How NOT to prepare for bathtime
Step one: Bring toddler into bathroom with you. Begin running the tub. Give toddler the basket of tub toys and encourage him to toss toys into the tub as it fills up. Set out towels, wash clothes, and baby wash/shampoo.
Step two: Do a quick bum-sniff to see if toddler’s diaper should be removed on the changing table. If it seems safe, proceed to step three.
Step three: Remove shoes, socks, pants & onsie from squirming toddler. Retrieve shoe from tub, and set on edge of sink to dry out overnight. Remove diaper cover and snappi, set aside. Pry snappi from pudgy fist, and set it on top of wet shoe. Pull prefold from toddler’s bottom.
Step four: Gasp in horror as toddler-sized poop tumbles from diaper and lands on bath mat. Shriek as naked toddler looses balance and falls, landing bum-first on bath mat and embedding the poop into the rug.
Step five: Turn quickly to retrieve wipes from under sink cabinet. Turn back to see naked toddler standing up, one foot smack in the middle of the discarded dirty diaper.
Step six: Quickly wipe poop from bottom of wriggling, naked toddler. Grab wad of toilet paper and attempt to remove poop from bath mat. Give up, roll up mat, and toss it in front of washer to be dealt with later.
Step seven: Chase giggling, naked toddler across bathroom. Hold him over sink to wash poop from foot. Set him outside bathroom door, then begin cleaning up the poop-footprints from bathroom floor.
Step eight: Find naked toddler staring at his penis in amazement as he pees on leg of high chair. Scoop up naked, dripping toddler and toss bath towel on top of the puddle, resolving to clean it up…later.
Step nine: Return to bathroom. Strip down yourself and join naked, dripping, giggling toddler in bathtub because you could use a good stress-relieving soak yourself.
* Originally posted on my family blog on Apr. 8th, 2009.
Reposted today to link up withTrue Story Tuesday over at Once Upon a Miracle. Now head on over there to check out other amazing, funny, or completely unbelievable true stories!